Olivia: "Mommy, make me a mustache." *hands me purple play-doh*
*Emma reciting out loud what she is pretending to write down*
Emma: "Dear Mommy. I love you. Love Daddy."
Olivia: "I want a cheese sandwich."
Me: "We don't have any cheese?"
Olivia: "That's okay, Mommy. I'll have a butter sandwich."
*Emma opens a drawer and hits me in the knee.*
Emma: "I'm sorry I hurt you, Mom. Let's go bowling."
My kids look like they got dressed in the dark. Emma is wearing a Penguins jersey, blue jeans that are too big and ugg boots, with fur rolled down on one side. Olivia is wearing a Batman shirt, grey sweat pants and Justice League sneakers.
Olivia: "I wanna go see Batman."
Emma: "He's at the cave."
Olivia: "I wanna go see LarryBoy."
Emma: "He's at the cave with Batman."
Me: "What do you girlies want to do today?"
Emma: "I want to go to the store to get some juice."
Me: "What are you going to use to pay for the juice?"
Emma: "Mommy."
Me: "We're going to have lunch with Aunt ******, Uncle *******, Baby *******, Grandma and Daddy today."
Emma: "Oh, that's wonderful!"
Emma: "We have to make marshmallows with snores!!! Dad! Make a fire!"
Olivia: "Somebody stinks."
Me: "It's probably one of the kitties."
Olivia: "It's probably Emma."
Olivia: "We have to go to Gabriel's Park to see Santa!"
Me: "Santa is back at the North Pole getting ready for Christmas next year."
Olivia: "We have to go to the North Pole!"
Me: "But it's too cold there."
Olivia: "We have to get our jackets on!"
Olivia: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Ho ho ho!"
Emma: "The Grinch is going to steal all our stuff for Christmas. He's gonna steal all our panties!"
Emma: "Mommy, can I have a cookie?"
Me: "Yes. *takes her to the kitchen to get one of the cookies they made yesterday*
Emma: "I can't eat those cookies!! Those are Santa's cookies!!"
Me: "I think Santa will be okay if you eat one of them."
Emma: "Nope, they're for Santa."
Me: "You sure you don't want one?"
Emma: "No, they're all for Santa."
Emma: "I want 20 teeth out so I can get my prize!"
Olivia emerged from our bedroom. I had been out here on the computer for an hour. I didn't see/hear her come out of her room. Neither did Ricky. Must be a magic door or something into our room. Best guess is that while we were brushing our teeth, she came out of our room and got under our bed. Then she fell asleep under there. Then when the phone rang it woke her up.
*looking over my shoulder while on Pinterest*
Emma: "It's Wonder Woman!"
Me: "Who's that? *pointing to Christopher Reeve*
Emma: "Superman!...Where's Batman on here??"
*points finger in my face*
Olivia: "I command you to stay here!"
Emma: "I wanna go to the toy store."
Ricky: "Yeah bro?"
Olivia: "It's still snowing! Yipee!"
Ricky: "Who wants to take naps?"
Olivia: "Me!"
Emma: "I don't like naps."
Ricky: "It's not funny. Pooping your pants is not funny."
Emma: "I'M NOT FUNNY! YOU'RE FUNNY!"
Olivia: "I love The Smurbs!"
Emma: "Mommy, my best friend is Olivia. Who's your best friend?"
Me: "Aunt Deidre."
Emma: "No, you're best friend is Dad."
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Other Funny Things *November Edition*
Things that have never happened to me at Wal-Mart before:
1. Cashier looks at my cart and says, "Oh wow!"
2. Someone moo's at me from a vehicle as I'm walking to my car.
Ricky changed our home answering machine message to Skeletor voice. Today, he came home and there was a message. It was a telemarketer. All she said was, "Wow....*tries to compose herself for a few moments* This is.....*and went on with her speech* It was pretty hilarious.
Ricky decided to try some dog treats at his parents house. And now he's in bed with a stomachache.
*talking with Mom and Cathy*
Me: "I saw some of my old toys labeled vintage the other day."
Mom: "Well, if you're vintage, what are Jim and I?"
Me: "You're thrift and Jim is antique."
*Ricky opens his netbook*
Ricky: "There is a nerd (candy) stuck in my computer."
Me: "There's a nerd holding the computer too."
1. Cashier looks at my cart and says, "Oh wow!"
2. Someone moo's at me from a vehicle as I'm walking to my car.
Ricky changed our home answering machine message to Skeletor voice. Today, he came home and there was a message. It was a telemarketer. All she said was, "Wow....*tries to compose herself for a few moments* This is.....*and went on with her speech* It was pretty hilarious.
Ricky decided to try some dog treats at his parents house. And now he's in bed with a stomachache.
*talking with Mom and Cathy*
Me: "I saw some of my old toys labeled vintage the other day."
Mom: "Well, if you're vintage, what are Jim and I?"
Me: "You're thrift and Jim is antique."
*Ricky opens his netbook*
Ricky: "There is a nerd (candy) stuck in my computer."
Me: "There's a nerd holding the computer too."
Funny Things My Kids Have Said *November Edition*
*pointing to peanut butter jar*
Emma: "It's Tinkerbell!"
Me: "No, that is Peter Pan; Tinkerbell's friend."
Emma: "Peter Pan is Tinkerbell's friend?"
Me: "Yep."
Emma: "Peter Parker is Spiderman."
Olivia: "I want the Batman video game."
Me: "So does Daddy."
Emma: "Daddy's so silly."
*Goes into the bathroom to tell Ricky goodbye as he's getting dressed*
Olivia: "Daddy! Your feet are gross!"
Ricky: "What?"
Me: "Why do you say Daddy's feet are gross?"
Emma: "'Cause they got hair on them! Gross!"
Ricky: "Daddy likes Two Face."
Emma: "I like one face...Batman!"
*Watching Ricky play "Scott Pilgrim*
Emma: "We don't hit girls."
Ricky:"That's right."
Emma: "We hit boys."
*Watching two solo dancers on the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular*
Emma: "Look Mom! It's Emma and Olivia!"
*from the bathroom*
Emma: "Mommy! They're dangerous!"
Me: "What's dangerous?"
Emma: "The panties."
Me: "Oh. Well, are you okay?"
Emma: I'm okay. They're dangerous!"
Me: "Girlies, you want some hot chocolate?"
Emma: "No, I want hot vanilla!"
*after stuffing socks into her shirt*
Olivia: "I'm Santa! Ho Ho Ho!"
*after noticing that the Elf on the Shelf had moved while she was picking out a movie*
Olivia: "*gasp* He moved! It's magic!"
Emma: "We don't ever poop on turkeys."
Emma: "Olivia, let's punch Daddy!
Olivia: "Okay!"
Emma: "Here's a glove."
*chasing after her sister*
Olivia: "Emma!...Emma!...EMMA [insert last name]!"
Watching the "He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special" and Olivia keeps yelling that Skeletor needs to be nice or she will spank him.
Em is coloring and Liv is watercolor painting. I leave the room to vacuum the movie room and when I come back Liv is stripped down to her underwear scrubbing paint off her paper with a dishtowel. No part of that makes sense to me.
Emma: "Daddy, I want to paint your toenails."
Ricky: "Sure, after dinner."
*Emma sits down to paint Ricky's toenails*
Emma: "Can I have my nailpolish?"
*I hand her purple*
Emma: "Can I have pink?"
Ricky: *hangs head*
When I came home from Black Friday shopping, Emma told me that she had put candy in my "socky sock" (stocking).
Olivia: "Mommy, where's the fer-mote?"
Me: "Time to get up for school, girlies!"
Emma: *sits up on one elbow* "Look at the window."
Me: "What's wrong with it?"
Emma: "It's dark outside. *rolls over and covers head with blanket*
*Olivia's mad 'cause I took a book away that they were fighting over*
Olivia: *grumbling about how mean I am*
Emma: "Don't say that, Olivia. Mommy's my best friend!"
Emma: "Daddy, you work at Channel 7?"
Ricky: "Yeah."
Emma: "Well, I'm gonna go work at Channel 8!"
*talking about the fire in the fireplace*
Emma: "We don't touch the fire. It will burn my fingers. It will dead me. I don't want to be dead."
Emma: "Daddy's my favorite friend. Daddy's my favorite little friend."
Emma: "It's Tinkerbell!"
Me: "No, that is Peter Pan; Tinkerbell's friend."
Emma: "Peter Pan is Tinkerbell's friend?"
Me: "Yep."
Emma: "Peter Parker is Spiderman."
Olivia: "I want the Batman video game."
Me: "So does Daddy."
Emma: "Daddy's so silly."
*Goes into the bathroom to tell Ricky goodbye as he's getting dressed*
Olivia: "Daddy! Your feet are gross!"
Ricky: "What?"
Me: "Why do you say Daddy's feet are gross?"
Emma: "'Cause they got hair on them! Gross!"
Ricky: "Daddy likes Two Face."
Emma: "I like one face...Batman!"
*Watching Ricky play "Scott Pilgrim*
Emma: "We don't hit girls."
Ricky:"That's right."
Emma: "We hit boys."
*Watching two solo dancers on the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular*
Emma: "Look Mom! It's Emma and Olivia!"
*from the bathroom*
Emma: "Mommy! They're dangerous!"
Me: "What's dangerous?"
Emma: "The panties."
Me: "Oh. Well, are you okay?"
Emma: I'm okay. They're dangerous!"
Me: "Girlies, you want some hot chocolate?"
Emma: "No, I want hot vanilla!"
*after stuffing socks into her shirt*
Olivia: "I'm Santa! Ho Ho Ho!"
*after noticing that the Elf on the Shelf had moved while she was picking out a movie*
Olivia: "*gasp* He moved! It's magic!"
Emma: "We don't ever poop on turkeys."
Emma: "Olivia, let's punch Daddy!
Olivia: "Okay!"
Emma: "Here's a glove."
*chasing after her sister*
Olivia: "Emma!...Emma!...EMMA [insert last name]!"
Watching the "He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special" and Olivia keeps yelling that Skeletor needs to be nice or she will spank him.
Em is coloring and Liv is watercolor painting. I leave the room to vacuum the movie room and when I come back Liv is stripped down to her underwear scrubbing paint off her paper with a dishtowel. No part of that makes sense to me.
Emma: "Daddy, I want to paint your toenails."
Ricky: "Sure, after dinner."
*Emma sits down to paint Ricky's toenails*
Emma: "Can I have my nailpolish?"
*I hand her purple*
Emma: "Can I have pink?"
Ricky: *hangs head*
When I came home from Black Friday shopping, Emma told me that she had put candy in my "socky sock" (stocking).
Olivia: "Mommy, where's the fer-mote?"
Me: "Time to get up for school, girlies!"
Emma: *sits up on one elbow* "Look at the window."
Me: "What's wrong with it?"
Emma: "It's dark outside. *rolls over and covers head with blanket*
*Olivia's mad 'cause I took a book away that they were fighting over*
Olivia: *grumbling about how mean I am*
Emma: "Don't say that, Olivia. Mommy's my best friend!"
Emma: "Daddy, you work at Channel 7?"
Ricky: "Yeah."
Emma: "Well, I'm gonna go work at Channel 8!"
*talking about the fire in the fireplace*
Emma: "We don't touch the fire. It will burn my fingers. It will dead me. I don't want to be dead."
Emma: "Daddy's my favorite friend. Daddy's my favorite little friend."
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Photoshoot
I've always enjoyed taking the twins to get their photos taken. When they were younger, we would always take them to Sears, but that got to be so expensive. Last year I started at a local gym taking Zumba classes and I met an awesome lady named Kristi. Turns out we're cousins (Small town, y'know...). She owns Allure Photography so I wanted to see what her professional eye could capture that Sears couldn't. And boy, did she deliver!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Funny Things My Kids Have Said *October Edition*
*Watching the Halloween Cat in the Hat and Thing 1 & Thing 2 come on*
Emma: "Look Mommy! It's Emma and Olivia!"
Emma stuck her hand in the toilet of a porta-potty. Her hand is forever uncleeeeeeen!
Emma informed us that she is "Green Lantern Strawberry". She is wearing a Green Lantern mask with a Strawberry Shortcake costume on.
Emma: "Daddy, Olivia got a sad face today."
Ricky: "Why's that?"
Emma: "Because she was scribble scrabbin'."
Olivia: "It's EVIL!!!"
Emma: "That's not evil. That's a Pop-Tart."
*Liv comes to me from watching "LarryBoy and the Fib From Outerspace"*
Liv: *shows me empty hands* Look, it's my friend The Fib."
Me: *pretends to take a bite from The Fib*
Liv: "NO!! He's my friend! He's not a cheese puff!!!"
Em & Liv: "Ahh, Bats! It's bats!"
Me: "Girlies, go run in there and tell Daddy, 'We can't stop here, this is Bat Country!'"
Em and Liv: "*indistinguishable*BAT COUNTRY!!!"
Emma: "I'm wearing Daddy's underpants."
Me: "What?"
*Emma pulls up Rapunzel dress, revealing Ricky's Pac-Man boxers*
Me: "Well, okay then."
Olivia: "Mommy, I can't find my Sweet Hearts."
Me: "Emma, share the Sweet Tarts with your sister."
Emma: "Okay." *to Olivia* "That'll be 50 dollars."
Olivia: "I wanna see The Super Friends at the superhero store."
*In the car this morning*
Me: "Emma, what did you learn in High-Hat?"
Em: "'A'. 'Ah'. 'A' is for monkey."
Liv: "No, 'A' is for apple and alligator."
Em: "In High-Hat I tell a story about a monkey.
Liv: "Emma, I love you. 'A' is for apple."
*in the car*
Emma: "Mommy, look at my mustache."
Me: *turns to see where she wiped snot across her upper lip*
Me: "Gross."
Me: *turns around a second time to see mustache gone and her mouth making a chewing motion*
Me: "EMMA! Don't eat your...ugh, nevermind."
*From inside a big cardboard box*Ricky: "Are we in a hobo house?"
Em and Liv: "Yes."
Ricky: "Are you hobos?"
Liv: "No, I'm Olivia."
Emma: "I'm cold."
Me: "Okay, let's get dressed for school then."
Emma: "No, I need a blanket."
Me: "No, you need to get dressed."
Emma: "No."
Me: "Do you want a yellow light this morning?"
Emma: "Yes."
Me: *glares*
Emma: "No."
*Abby the cat is sneezing in the living room*
Emma: "The cat is sick."
Me: "He's okay, he's just sneezing."
Emma: "He needs a doughnut."
Olivia: "Get me some more water."
Me: "What's the magic word?"
Olivia: "Pocus Pocus."
Olivia: "I'm Superman-Girl!"
Olivia: ""You wanna go see Spooky-Do?"
*As heard from the living room while Ricky checked on Emma in the bathroom*
Emma: "Daddy, come see!"
Ricky: "Ew, ew, put that away!"
*Emma comes out of her room with a princess wand*
Emma: *flings wand forward* "Magic! Magic!"
Me: "Don't you mean, 'Magic Missle'?"
Emma: "No. Magic! Magic!"
*Olivia comes out with a mouthful of cake*
Me: "Olivia, did you ask for that cake?"
Liv: "No."
Me: "No more cake."
*A little later*
Liv: "May I have some cake please?"
Me: *looks at her*
Liv: "It's my birthday."
Me: "No it's not."
Liv: "It's Pop-Pop's birthday."
Me: *looks at her*
Liv: "Sammi's birthday......you're birthday...Happy Birthday Mommy!"
Emma: "Look Mommy! It's Emma and Olivia!"
Emma stuck her hand in the toilet of a porta-potty. Her hand is forever uncleeeeeeen!
Emma informed us that she is "Green Lantern Strawberry". She is wearing a Green Lantern mask with a Strawberry Shortcake costume on.
Emma: "Daddy, Olivia got a sad face today."
Ricky: "Why's that?"
Emma: "Because she was scribble scrabbin'."
Olivia: "It's EVIL!!!"
Emma: "That's not evil. That's a Pop-Tart."
*Liv comes to me from watching "LarryBoy and the Fib From Outerspace"*
Liv: *shows me empty hands* Look, it's my friend The Fib."
Me: *pretends to take a bite from The Fib*
Liv: "NO!! He's my friend! He's not a cheese puff!!!"
Em & Liv: "Ahh, Bats! It's bats!"
Me: "Girlies, go run in there and tell Daddy, 'We can't stop here, this is Bat Country!'"
Em and Liv: "*indistinguishable*BAT COUNTRY!!!"
Emma: "I'm wearing Daddy's underpants."
Me: "What?"
*Emma pulls up Rapunzel dress, revealing Ricky's Pac-Man boxers*
Me: "Well, okay then."
Olivia: "Mommy, I can't find my Sweet Hearts."
Me: "Emma, share the Sweet Tarts with your sister."
Emma: "Okay." *to Olivia* "That'll be 50 dollars."
Olivia: "I wanna see The Super Friends at the superhero store."
*In the car this morning*
Me: "Emma, what did you learn in High-Hat?"
Em: "'A'. 'Ah'. 'A' is for monkey."
Liv: "No, 'A' is for apple and alligator."
Em: "In High-Hat I tell a story about a monkey.
Liv: "Emma, I love you. 'A' is for apple."
*in the car*
Emma: "Mommy, look at my mustache."
Me: *turns to see where she wiped snot across her upper lip*
Me: "Gross."
Me: *turns around a second time to see mustache gone and her mouth making a chewing motion*
Me: "EMMA! Don't eat your...ugh, nevermind."
*From inside a big cardboard box*Ricky: "Are we in a hobo house?"
Em and Liv: "Yes."
Ricky: "Are you hobos?"
Liv: "No, I'm Olivia."
Emma: "I'm cold."
Me: "Okay, let's get dressed for school then."
Emma: "No, I need a blanket."
Me: "No, you need to get dressed."
Emma: "No."
Me: "Do you want a yellow light this morning?"
Emma: "Yes."
Me: *glares*
Emma: "No."
*Abby the cat is sneezing in the living room*
Emma: "The cat is sick."
Me: "He's okay, he's just sneezing."
Emma: "He needs a doughnut."
Olivia: "Get me some more water."
Me: "What's the magic word?"
Olivia: "Pocus Pocus."
Olivia: "I'm Superman-Girl!"
Olivia: ""You wanna go see Spooky-Do?"
*As heard from the living room while Ricky checked on Emma in the bathroom*
Emma: "Daddy, come see!"
Ricky: "Ew, ew, put that away!"
*Emma comes out of her room with a princess wand*
Emma: *flings wand forward* "Magic! Magic!"
Me: "Don't you mean, 'Magic Missle'?"
Emma: "No. Magic! Magic!"
*Olivia comes out with a mouthful of cake*
Me: "Olivia, did you ask for that cake?"
Liv: "No."
Me: "No more cake."
*A little later*
Liv: "May I have some cake please?"
Me: *looks at her*
Liv: "It's my birthday."
Me: "No it's not."
Liv: "It's Pop-Pop's birthday."
Me: *looks at her*
Liv: "Sammi's birthday......you're birthday...Happy Birthday Mommy!"
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Funny Things My Kids Have Said *September Edition*
Olivia: "Daddy wants 'fah-zon-yah' for dinner."
Emma: "Yeah, daddy wants 'buzz-on-yah'"
Me: "Well, alrighty then."
*stall tactic #124 tonight*
Emma: "Mommy, I need to go potty."
Me: "Okay, go."
Emma: "Mommy, I poop in the potty!"
Me: "Good job!
Emma: "Come see!"
Ricky: *laughter*
*As I was getting their cough medicine this morning*
Emma: "Two girlies, one medicine."
Emma: "Mommy, I need to go to the hospital."
Me: "Why's that?"
Emma: "I need to buy some vanilla ice cream."
*Kiddos came home with a free kids meal from Loco's certificate*
Me: "Look girlies, you get a free kids meal."
Olivia: "Wow! I get to eat dinner!"
Me: *facepalm*
*Emma's block tower fell over and broke*
Emma: "They exploded!"
*Emma accidentally hits Olivia in the mouth while playing*
Olivia: "Mommy! My body!"
Me: "Look girlies. Look what I bought today."
Emma: "Thor!"
Me: "Yeah, that's right."
Emma & Olivia: "Put it on!"
Me: "You wanna watch it now?"
Emma and Olivia: "Yeah!!!"
Emma: "Daddy lives at Mommy's house."
*I bring Olivia a bowl with animal crackers*
*She looks at them and puts her fist in the air*
Olivia: SCORE!!!
Emma: "I want Makatos."
Me: "You want to eat at Makatos?"
Emma: "No, I want to eat makatos" *points to tv singing about avocados*
Me: "Ohhhh"
*The kids are reaching a new low to stay out of bed*
Olivia: "I need a drink of water"
Me: "Get in bed."
Emma: "You tuck me in?"
Me: "Get in bed."
Olivia: "Kiss and hug."
Me: "Get in bed,"
Emma: "Daddy, I need metal!"
Ricky: "I got this one. "
Emma: "Yeah, daddy wants 'buzz-on-yah'"
Me: "Well, alrighty then."
*stall tactic #124 tonight*
Emma: "Mommy, I need to go potty."
Me: "Okay, go."
Emma: "Mommy, I poop in the potty!"
Me: "Good job!
Emma: "Come see!"
Ricky: *laughter*
*As I was getting their cough medicine this morning*
Emma: "Two girlies, one medicine."
Emma: "Mommy, I need to go to the hospital."
Me: "Why's that?"
Emma: "I need to buy some vanilla ice cream."
*Kiddos came home with a free kids meal from Loco's certificate*
Me: "Look girlies, you get a free kids meal."
Olivia: "Wow! I get to eat dinner!"
Me: *facepalm*
*Emma's block tower fell over and broke*
Emma: "They exploded!"
*Emma accidentally hits Olivia in the mouth while playing*
Olivia: "Mommy! My body!"
Me: "Look girlies. Look what I bought today."
Emma: "Thor!"
Me: "Yeah, that's right."
Emma & Olivia: "Put it on!"
Me: "You wanna watch it now?"
Emma and Olivia: "Yeah!!!"
Emma: "Daddy lives at Mommy's house."
*I bring Olivia a bowl with animal crackers*
*She looks at them and puts her fist in the air*
Olivia: SCORE!!!
Emma: "I want Makatos."
Me: "You want to eat at Makatos?"
Emma: "No, I want to eat makatos" *points to tv singing about avocados*
Me: "Ohhhh"
*The kids are reaching a new low to stay out of bed*
Olivia: "I need a drink of water"
Me: "Get in bed."
Emma: "You tuck me in?"
Me: "Get in bed."
Olivia: "Kiss and hug."
Me: "Get in bed,"
Emma: "Daddy, I need metal!"
Ricky: "I got this one. "
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