Emma: "MOMMY I POOPED IN THE POTTY...COME LOOK!"
*talking to Emma about summer school and kindergarten next year*
Emma: *crying* "We can't split in half. We can't split in half at school! I need my sister!"
*playing in the bathtub*
Emma: "Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me! SMELL MY BUTT!"
*playing legos*
Emma: "Mommy, where's that part?"
Me: "What part?"
Emma: "That part I'm looking for."
Olivia: "Come with me to the snack room"
Me: "You mean the pantry?"
Olivia: "Yeah."
Emma: ""Mommy! You're FIRED!"
Olivia was just putting on a puppet show (complete with separate voice) with her Spongebob bowling pins.
Me: "Time to go brush your teeth."
Olivia: "No, it's raining."
*whining and arguing over their toothpaste*
Me: "Whiners don't get to use umbrellas!"
*the kiddos had a classmate bring in cupcakes with Justin Bieber rings on them*
Me: "Do you know who that is on your ring?"
Olivia: "Daddy?"
Me; "No."
Olivia: "Josh?"
Me: "No. That's Justin Bieber."
Olivia: "Justin Beaver?"
Emma: "Justice Beaver?"
Me: "Yep."
*Emma runs through the hallway and accidentally drops her goldfish snacks*
Emma: "Olivia, pick those up."
Me: "Did Olivia make you drop them?"
Emma: "No."
Me: "Then you pick them up."
*heard from the girlies room*
Ricky: "You've got Big Mickey. You don't need mustard with Big Mickey."
*comes out to tattle*
Olivia: "Mom. Emma said 'Gagoose'."
Me: "So?"
Olivia: "But she's using baby words!"
Me: "Go brush your teeth."
*overheard part of the girlies whining conversation while they brush their teeth*
Olivia: "Nooo, Daddy's a good girl!"
Olivia: "I wanna make you a birthday cake."
Me: "But it's not my birthday."
Olivia: "It's going to be bbq-flavored ketchup!"
*talking about her bubble gum*
Emma: "I'm gonna get a big piece like Daddy. Daddy likes big ones."
Olivia has just informed us that because Ricky spit out the window, he is getting old, so she gets new parents.
Olivia: "Dad, you are John Stewart Green Lantern. Mom, you are the girl Batman. Emma, you are Larryboy and I am Sonic."
*playing "Castle Crashers*
Olivia: "Emma, take care of me!"
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Friday, June 1, 2012
Other Funny Things *May 2012 Edition*
Ricky: "I feel like I let the kids just trample all over everything in the house today...y'know, 'cause they're a herd of buffalo."
Me: "Can two be considered a 'herd'?"
Ricky: "It can when it's those two."
So far, my Mother's Day has consisted of cleaning up cat poop from the living room floor, burning two bags of Olivia's popcorn, cleaning I don't know what but it was sticky from the girlies bathroom floor, and unclogging their toilet. I shudder to think what is going to happen the rest of the day, as it is only 9:15am.
Just once, I would like a day where my children don't fight, argue, whine, complain, or tattle.
*watching season 2 of "Justified"*
Ricky: "Season 3 Spoiler Alert: He shoots people."
*Talking about board game movies. Ricky says 'Connect-4' should be next. Listening to Ricky go into great detail about the plot*
Me: "You've talked to Mitch about this, haven't you?"
Ricky: "No, not yet..."
Can of Silly String in the refrigerator? #normalaroundhere
Ricky: "All I wanna do right now is lay down..with a Fatty." (Meaning Big Kitty)
Me: *looks at him*
Ricky: "Preferably you. Laying down."
Me: *glares at him*
Ricky: "I did not just call you fat."
Me: "This is so going on Facebook."
Ricky: "Don't do that! You're going to put it out of context!"
Me: "No, I'm not. I'm just going to write what you said."
Ricky: "Exactly!"
It's May and it's 89 degrees outside., but it feels like 103. I hate Florida.
Ricky: "Let it be known, that on today, May 27th. Olivia beat her first Mario world. And found a secret room."
*Watching 'America's Got Talent' season 3*
Me; "What does David Hasslehoff know about talent?"
Ricky: "I know, right?"
Gotta have the before bedtime fighting match between Skeletor, Superman, & Batman. All I can hear is Skeletor screaming, "This one's got a weapon!" and then Batman comes running out with a baton.
*after asking for Ricky to reheat the nachos he brought home for me*
Ricky: "You're adorably helpless."
Me: "Helpless, really?"
Ricky: *realizes what he's said* "Bad choice of words."
Me: "What's the other word? Lazy?"
Ricky: "No."
Me: "You could have said 'co-dependent'."
Ricky: "Yep, that would have been better."
Ricky: "When you write a book about us, please don't title it, 'My Life with Two Kids and a Dumb Ass.'"
*Watching season 3 of 'America's Got Talent'*
Me: "The Hoff loves a sob story."
Ricky: "That's 'cause The Hoff is a sob story."
Me: "Can two be considered a 'herd'?"
Ricky: "It can when it's those two."
So far, my Mother's Day has consisted of cleaning up cat poop from the living room floor, burning two bags of Olivia's popcorn, cleaning I don't know what but it was sticky from the girlies bathroom floor, and unclogging their toilet. I shudder to think what is going to happen the rest of the day, as it is only 9:15am.
Just once, I would like a day where my children don't fight, argue, whine, complain, or tattle.
*watching season 2 of "Justified"*
Ricky: "Season 3 Spoiler Alert: He shoots people."
*Talking about board game movies. Ricky says 'Connect-4' should be next. Listening to Ricky go into great detail about the plot*
Me: "You've talked to Mitch about this, haven't you?"
Ricky: "No, not yet..."
Can of Silly String in the refrigerator? #normalaroundhere
Ricky: "All I wanna do right now is lay down..with a Fatty." (Meaning Big Kitty)
Me: *looks at him*
Ricky: "Preferably you. Laying down."
Me: *glares at him*
Ricky: "I did not just call you fat."
Me: "This is so going on Facebook."
Ricky: "Don't do that! You're going to put it out of context!"
Me: "No, I'm not. I'm just going to write what you said."
Ricky: "Exactly!"
It's May and it's 89 degrees outside., but it feels like 103. I hate Florida.
Ricky: "Let it be known, that on today, May 27th. Olivia beat her first Mario world. And found a secret room."
*Watching 'America's Got Talent' season 3*
Me; "What does David Hasslehoff know about talent?"
Ricky: "I know, right?"
Gotta have the before bedtime fighting match between Skeletor, Superman, & Batman. All I can hear is Skeletor screaming, "This one's got a weapon!" and then Batman comes running out with a baton.
*after asking for Ricky to reheat the nachos he brought home for me*
Ricky: "You're adorably helpless."
Me: "Helpless, really?"
Ricky: *realizes what he's said* "Bad choice of words."
Me: "What's the other word? Lazy?"
Ricky: "No."
Me: "You could have said 'co-dependent'."
Ricky: "Yep, that would have been better."
Ricky: "When you write a book about us, please don't title it, 'My Life with Two Kids and a Dumb Ass.'"
*Watching season 3 of 'America's Got Talent'*
Me: "The Hoff loves a sob story."
Ricky: "That's 'cause The Hoff is a sob story."
Funny Things My Kids Said *May 2012 Edition*
Ricky and the girlies are talking like Arnold Schwarzenegger to each other.
Me: "What do sharks eat?"
Emma: "Kids."
My children don't hear me when I call their names half the time, but they never miss hearing the timer go off when they are baking cookies. Selective hearing at its finest.
Brand new $4 bottle of kids shampoo dumped in the bath to make bubbles.
*Talking to Aunt Linda on the phone*
Emma: "I love Grandma. Daddy likes you."
Olivia: "Mommy, move Emma to red light."
Me: "Why does she need a red light?"
Olivia: "She touched me."
One girlie is in her room playing with jewelry. The other is in the kitchen playing with canned goods.
Ricky: "Okay girlies, we're going to go to bed in about 5 or 10 minutes."
Emma: "How 'bout we go to bed in 13 minutes."
Ricky: "Okay, 13 minutes it is."
*Watching the Justice League movie*
Emma & Olivia: "Aquaman! That's you, Dad!"
Our whole house looks like a toy bomb exploded in it.
*While watching 'The Avengers'*
Emma: "Where's Hawk...Hawk Guy..."
Me: "Hawkeye?"
Emma: "Yeah. He's a chicken."
Olivia: "Wanna smell my armpit? It smells like grapes!"
Ricky is singing the 'Speed Racer' theme song. Emma is getting mad at him.
Told the kiddos we'd be watching "The Princess Bride" tonight. Emma says, "This movie is NOT awesome." A dagger to my heart would have hurt less...
*pulling out a tape measure*
Emma: "Mommy, let's see what size you are...big."
Me: "Why are you scratching my knee?"
Olivia: "I'm getting the snow off."
Me: "There's no snow on my knee."
Olivia: "I'm getting the bugs out."
*Showing me her painted toenails*
Olivia: "My feet are polished."
Emma is in the stage where she likes to bargain with you on time limits. Only she has no concept of time. Sometimes this works in her favor. Other times, not so much.
*to Patrick*
Emma: "You've got bologna in your face."
*changing into their swimsuits*
Olivia: "Whoops! I'm NAKED!"
Emma: "Olivia's a naked kid."
Every time Olivia says, "Wanna see a magic trick?" I instinctively check to make sure she's not holding a pencil.
Olivia: "Mom, I have to watch Link!"
Olivia: "But I wanted to share your yogurt!"
Ricky: "Well, that's what happens when you leave, I eat it."
*as heard from the bathroom*
Emma: "I'm sorry I put Olivia's toothbrush in the toilet."
Olivia is so happy right now. She just unbuttoned her shirt all by herself for the first time.
Olivia: "My name is Tinkerbell. PIXIE DUST!!!"
Emma: "Are you going to read stories to us tonight?"
Me: "Yep."
Olivia: "No, you're too fat."
Me: "What do sharks eat?"
Emma: "Kids."
My children don't hear me when I call their names half the time, but they never miss hearing the timer go off when they are baking cookies. Selective hearing at its finest.
Brand new $4 bottle of kids shampoo dumped in the bath to make bubbles.
*Talking to Aunt Linda on the phone*
Emma: "I love Grandma. Daddy likes you."
Olivia: "Mommy, move Emma to red light."
Me: "Why does she need a red light?"
Olivia: "She touched me."
One girlie is in her room playing with jewelry. The other is in the kitchen playing with canned goods.
Ricky: "Okay girlies, we're going to go to bed in about 5 or 10 minutes."
Emma: "How 'bout we go to bed in 13 minutes."
Ricky: "Okay, 13 minutes it is."
*Watching the Justice League movie*
Emma & Olivia: "Aquaman! That's you, Dad!"
Our whole house looks like a toy bomb exploded in it.
*While watching 'The Avengers'*
Emma: "Where's Hawk...Hawk Guy..."
Me: "Hawkeye?"
Emma: "Yeah. He's a chicken."
Olivia: "Wanna smell my armpit? It smells like grapes!"
Ricky is singing the 'Speed Racer' theme song. Emma is getting mad at him.
Told the kiddos we'd be watching "The Princess Bride" tonight. Emma says, "This movie is NOT awesome." A dagger to my heart would have hurt less...
*pulling out a tape measure*
Emma: "Mommy, let's see what size you are...big."
Me: "Why are you scratching my knee?"
Olivia: "I'm getting the snow off."
Me: "There's no snow on my knee."
Olivia: "I'm getting the bugs out."
*Showing me her painted toenails*
Olivia: "My feet are polished."
Emma is in the stage where she likes to bargain with you on time limits. Only she has no concept of time. Sometimes this works in her favor. Other times, not so much.
*to Patrick*
Emma: "You've got bologna in your face."
*changing into their swimsuits*
Olivia: "Whoops! I'm NAKED!"
Emma: "Olivia's a naked kid."
Every time Olivia says, "Wanna see a magic trick?" I instinctively check to make sure she's not holding a pencil.
Olivia: "Mom, I have to watch Link!"
Olivia: "But I wanted to share your yogurt!"
Ricky: "Well, that's what happens when you leave, I eat it."
*as heard from the bathroom*
Emma: "I'm sorry I put Olivia's toothbrush in the toilet."
Olivia is so happy right now. She just unbuttoned her shirt all by herself for the first time.
Olivia: "My name is Tinkerbell. PIXIE DUST!!!"
Emma: "Are you going to read stories to us tonight?"
Me: "Yep."
Olivia: "No, you're too fat."
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Other Funny Things *April 2012 Edition*
Ricky: "Why do I have to be the oldest one in the group?"
Me: "I dunno. But you act the youngest?"
Ricky: "You mean 'cause I'm spry and energetic, right?"
Me: "Yeah, sure."
*A character on 'The Walking Dead' cuts himself on a car*
Me: "Well, if the zombies don't get him, he certainly has tetanus now."
Alicia: "You can push her but don't hold the boobies!"
*During an "argument" with Ricky about bedtime routines*
Me: "You're just mad 'cause I didn't get mad about it."
Ricky: "No...Shut up."
Me: *laughing*
Ricky: "You know that was a wasted opportunity to say, 'You mad bro?'"
Me: "No, I don't need to say it."
Ricky: "Shut up..."
Me: "What? You mad bro?"
Me: "I dunno. But you act the youngest?"
Ricky: "You mean 'cause I'm spry and energetic, right?"
Me: "Yeah, sure."
*A character on 'The Walking Dead' cuts himself on a car*
Me: "Well, if the zombies don't get him, he certainly has tetanus now."
Alicia: "You can push her but don't hold the boobies!"
*During an "argument" with Ricky about bedtime routines*
Me: "You're just mad 'cause I didn't get mad about it."
Ricky: "No...Shut up."
Me: *laughing*
Ricky: "You know that was a wasted opportunity to say, 'You mad bro?'"
Me: "No, I don't need to say it."
Ricky: "Shut up..."
Me: "What? You mad bro?"
Funny Things My Kids Say *April 2012 Edition*
Emma: "I wanna listen to the pink poptart with the kitty."
Olivia: "With the rainbow!"
Ricky: "I told Emma to give me her bag and get ready for bed and she ran from me."
Me: "Emma, you need to listen to Daddy."
*Emma doesn't come back*
Me: "Do I need to tell Sifu that you're not listening to Mommy and Daddy?"
*Emma runs back and hands me her bag nicely then calmly walks back to her bedroom*
*After finding one of the 'golden eggs' at the Egg Hunt*
Emma: "I am an egg hunting genius!"
Me: "Look, Emma. It's the Tin Man."
Emma: "He's a can."
Emma: "Dad, let's have a talk."
Ricky: "Okay..."
Emma: "I need these eggs in this basket."
Emma: "When I was a boy, I'll dress up like that."
Ricky: "You're not ever going to be a boy. Unless years down the road that's something you decide to do. In which case that's all your decision..."
Me: "Ricky!"
Olivia requested to wear two different socks today. One lime green Buzz Lightyear and one white Princess Tiana. With pink sneakers. And a light blue shirt. Yep, she's my kid.
Emma has gotten into some make-up. Yes, it looks exactly as you're picturing it.
*watching Futurama*
Olivia: "When I am big I'm gonna wear that."
Me: "The blue dress?"
Olivia: "Yeah."
Me: "You wanna be a waitress?"
Olivia: "Yeah!"
Olivia: "I wanna make cupcakes."
Me: "Okay, after school we can make some cupcakes"
*from the kitchen*
Emma: "...and go to Disney World!"
*after getting herself a drink*
Me: "Emma! Get in here, put the lid on the juice, put the juice in the fridge, put the milk in the fridge and shut the door."
Emma: "Okay, as you wish..."
Me: "Thank you."
Emma: *under her breath* "...master."
*from the bedroom*
Olivia: "Emma, come help me!"
*Emma goes in there*
Emma: "Oh...my...gosh. What have you done??"
Olivia: "Don't punch my sister in the butt. I'll throw dirt on you and make you dirty!"
Me: "Olivia, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No, I'm a Big Red Chicken!"
Me: "Big Red Chicken, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No."
Apparently Emma wants to learn how to play Bridge.
Me: "So, what do you girlies want to get Brian for his birthday?"
Emma: "Jasmine."
*After coming in and seeing all The Nerdery stuff moved over to the Superhero room so we can take the carpet up*
Emma: "Oh no! Daddy's gonna be mad! We NEVER touch Daddy's toys. Now, move Daddy's toys back to his room."
Me:"We will, after we get the floor fixed like that other room."
Emma: "Oh, okay. We still need to move Daddy's toys back."
Emma: "I'm reading the Justice League magazine."
Me: "You mean, comic book."
Emma: "No, it's a magazine."
Olivia just wrote her name with her left hand. And it is just as legible as with her right.
*Listening to the girlies in the bathtub*
Olivia: "Ahhh!! An alligator!!"
Emma: "That's not an alligator, that's just my butt."
Ricky is reading the girlies books in spanish tonight. They are learning their spanish colors.
Abby-Cat slept in Emma's bed last night with her. We didn't realize he got locked in there. Emma was so happy.
Emma: "Daddy, I need an awesome fort. Can I have an awesome fort?"
Me: "Girlies, do you want pizza or hamburgers for lunch?"
Emma & Olivia: "Corndogs."
Ricky: "You girlies want ice cream or oranges?"
Emma and Olivia: "Oranges!"
*driving home from karate*
Emma: "I want to go to the doughnut store."
Me: "Not right now."
Emma: "But it's open!"
Olivia: "With the rainbow!"
Ricky: "I told Emma to give me her bag and get ready for bed and she ran from me."
Me: "Emma, you need to listen to Daddy."
*Emma doesn't come back*
Me: "Do I need to tell Sifu that you're not listening to Mommy and Daddy?"
*Emma runs back and hands me her bag nicely then calmly walks back to her bedroom*
*After finding one of the 'golden eggs' at the Egg Hunt*
Emma: "I am an egg hunting genius!"
Me: "Look, Emma. It's the Tin Man."
Emma: "He's a can."
Emma: "Dad, let's have a talk."
Ricky: "Okay..."
Emma: "I need these eggs in this basket."
Emma: "When I was a boy, I'll dress up like that."
Ricky: "You're not ever going to be a boy. Unless years down the road that's something you decide to do. In which case that's all your decision..."
Me: "Ricky!"
Olivia requested to wear two different socks today. One lime green Buzz Lightyear and one white Princess Tiana. With pink sneakers. And a light blue shirt. Yep, she's my kid.
Emma has gotten into some make-up. Yes, it looks exactly as you're picturing it.
*watching Futurama*
Olivia: "When I am big I'm gonna wear that."
Me: "The blue dress?"
Olivia: "Yeah."
Me: "You wanna be a waitress?"
Olivia: "Yeah!"
Olivia: "I wanna make cupcakes."
Me: "Okay, after school we can make some cupcakes"
*from the kitchen*
Emma: "...and go to Disney World!"
*after getting herself a drink*
Me: "Emma! Get in here, put the lid on the juice, put the juice in the fridge, put the milk in the fridge and shut the door."
Emma: "Okay, as you wish..."
Me: "Thank you."
Emma: *under her breath* "...master."
*from the bedroom*
Olivia: "Emma, come help me!"
*Emma goes in there*
Emma: "Oh...my...gosh. What have you done??"
Olivia: "Don't punch my sister in the butt. I'll throw dirt on you and make you dirty!"
Me: "Olivia, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No, I'm a Big Red Chicken!"
Me: "Big Red Chicken, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No."
Apparently Emma wants to learn how to play Bridge.
Me: "So, what do you girlies want to get Brian for his birthday?"
Emma: "Jasmine."
*After coming in and seeing all The Nerdery stuff moved over to the Superhero room so we can take the carpet up*
Emma: "Oh no! Daddy's gonna be mad! We NEVER touch Daddy's toys. Now, move Daddy's toys back to his room."
Me:"We will, after we get the floor fixed like that other room."
Emma: "Oh, okay. We still need to move Daddy's toys back."
Emma: "I'm reading the Justice League magazine."
Me: "You mean, comic book."
Emma: "No, it's a magazine."
Olivia just wrote her name with her left hand. And it is just as legible as with her right.
*Listening to the girlies in the bathtub*
Olivia: "Ahhh!! An alligator!!"
Emma: "That's not an alligator, that's just my butt."
Ricky is reading the girlies books in spanish tonight. They are learning their spanish colors.
Abby-Cat slept in Emma's bed last night with her. We didn't realize he got locked in there. Emma was so happy.
Emma: "Daddy, I need an awesome fort. Can I have an awesome fort?"
Me: "Girlies, do you want pizza or hamburgers for lunch?"
Emma & Olivia: "Corndogs."
Ricky: "You girlies want ice cream or oranges?"
Emma and Olivia: "Oranges!"
*driving home from karate*
Emma: "I want to go to the doughnut store."
Me: "Not right now."
Emma: "But it's open!"
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Other Funny Things *March 2012 Edition*
Tip of the Day: If you want to get sent home early, throw up in front of your boss. Ricky will be home shortly.
Things I Didn't Expect To Clean Today: Paint paw prints all over the floor.
Deidre: "I would divorce you if you did that to me."
Chris: "What? Stab you?"
29: The number of Easter baskets we own.
South Park made Ricky laugh so hard Mountain Dew came out his nose.
I just dated a photo based on a screenshot of a Steelers game that I have never seen. I don't know what that says about me.
Things I Didn't Expect To Clean Today: Paint paw prints all over the floor.
Deidre: "I would divorce you if you did that to me."
Chris: "What? Stab you?"
29: The number of Easter baskets we own.
South Park made Ricky laugh so hard Mountain Dew came out his nose.
I just dated a photo based on a screenshot of a Steelers game that I have never seen. I don't know what that says about me.
Funny Things My Kids Say *March 2012 Edition*
Emma: "I'll play the piano and you dance. Okay, Mom? How about that?"
Emma: "Daddy kinda looks like Skeletor."
*Talking to Grandaddy*
Olivia: "Let me see your big belly!"
*after getting mad at her sister for using her sleeping bag*
Me: "You could share and be nice."
Emma: "I don't like to be nice!"
Emma: "I wanna play Mario."
Me: "Okay, Daddy will set it up."
Emma: "I wanna play the game in Daddy's purse."
Me: "Daddy doesn't have a purse."
Emma: "Daddy's work purse!"
Emma: "I'm going to be Doctor Emma and take care of Daddy. I'll give him medicine so he can jump really high. I'm gonna give him head medicine to make his head feel better."
Emma: "A yeti is going to kill Daddy, and break your heart, and kill your head."
Emma is trying to pull her teeth using a pair of toy pliers. I'm thinking we should back off on talking about the Tooth Fairy so much.
Olivia: "My boogers went back to normal!"
Emma keeps getting mad at me 'cause I won't pick her up so she can get into the television.
Emma: "I'll stand on my chair and jump into the movie and save the heroes."
Me: "No."
Emma: "Mom, wait just a minute. I need to save the heroes."
Olivia: "I'm too young to get married."
Emma: "Ketchup smells like potatoes."
Me: "No, tomatoes."
Emma: "Potatoes."
Me: "Tomatoes."
Emma: "Like apples too."
Me: "Emma, give Daddy the sword, you're all done sword-fighting."
Emma: "But I want to play!"
Me: "Yeah, well, Daddy hit Mommy and it hurt, so we're done."
*Em and Liv are talking about evil twins*
Me: "So, which one of you is the nice one, and which is the evil one?"
Olivia: "I'm the nice one."
Ricky: *mumbles something in the other room*
Me: "What?"
Olivia: "Daddy says his fingers are too fat!"
Olivia: "Who is that?" *picking up tater tot super hero toy from Sonic*
Ricky: "That's Bizarro."
Olivia: "Bizarro is very sad."
Emma came out of her room saying she was scared of scary pumpkins in her room. So Ricky is in there eating the scary pumpkins.
Emma is being absolutely terrible today. She's been in the corner for a good portion of today, she has lost her roller skates, sleeping bag, piggy bank and Barbie dress-up privileges and all her nail polish has been "thrown in the garbage". She's been screaming, coming out of the corner, knocking over the time-out chair and hitting Ricky and I. After running out of Emma-specific toys to take away, I just let her scream it out. When she was finished, we went to her room, put on pajamas and sat down to discuss her behavior. She has since apologized and seems to be acting better.
Olivia: "Who's that?"
Ricky: "The Riddler and Clayface."
Olivia: "Clamface?"
Ricky: "No."
Emma came out of her bedroom saying that Big-Headed Mickey was hurt. Then she told me to "fix him with sticky-tape and a band-aid." So he got some duct tape and a green band-aid.
Emma: "Daddy kinda looks like Skeletor."
*Talking to Grandaddy*
Olivia: "Let me see your big belly!"
*after getting mad at her sister for using her sleeping bag*
Me: "You could share and be nice."
Emma: "I don't like to be nice!"
Emma: "I wanna play Mario."
Me: "Okay, Daddy will set it up."
Emma: "I wanna play the game in Daddy's purse."
Me: "Daddy doesn't have a purse."
Emma: "Daddy's work purse!"
Emma: "I'm going to be Doctor Emma and take care of Daddy. I'll give him medicine so he can jump really high. I'm gonna give him head medicine to make his head feel better."
Emma: "A yeti is going to kill Daddy, and break your heart, and kill your head."
Emma is trying to pull her teeth using a pair of toy pliers. I'm thinking we should back off on talking about the Tooth Fairy so much.
Olivia: "My boogers went back to normal!"
Emma keeps getting mad at me 'cause I won't pick her up so she can get into the television.
Emma: "I'll stand on my chair and jump into the movie and save the heroes."
Me: "No."
Emma: "Mom, wait just a minute. I need to save the heroes."
Olivia: "I'm too young to get married."
Emma: "Ketchup smells like potatoes."
Me: "No, tomatoes."
Emma: "Potatoes."
Me: "Tomatoes."
Emma: "Like apples too."
Me: "Emma, give Daddy the sword, you're all done sword-fighting."
Emma: "But I want to play!"
Me: "Yeah, well, Daddy hit Mommy and it hurt, so we're done."
*Em and Liv are talking about evil twins*
Me: "So, which one of you is the nice one, and which is the evil one?"
Olivia: "I'm the nice one."
Ricky: *mumbles something in the other room*
Me: "What?"
Olivia: "Daddy says his fingers are too fat!"
Olivia: "Who is that?" *picking up tater tot super hero toy from Sonic*
Ricky: "That's Bizarro."
Olivia: "Bizarro is very sad."
Emma came out of her room saying she was scared of scary pumpkins in her room. So Ricky is in there eating the scary pumpkins.
Emma is being absolutely terrible today. She's been in the corner for a good portion of today, she has lost her roller skates, sleeping bag, piggy bank and Barbie dress-up privileges and all her nail polish has been "thrown in the garbage". She's been screaming, coming out of the corner, knocking over the time-out chair and hitting Ricky and I. After running out of Emma-specific toys to take away, I just let her scream it out. When she was finished, we went to her room, put on pajamas and sat down to discuss her behavior. She has since apologized and seems to be acting better.
Olivia: "Who's that?"
Ricky: "The Riddler and Clayface."
Olivia: "Clamface?"
Ricky: "No."
Emma came out of her bedroom saying that Big-Headed Mickey was hurt. Then she told me to "fix him with sticky-tape and a band-aid." So he got some duct tape and a green band-aid.
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