Ricky: "Why do I have to be the oldest one in the group?"
Me: "I dunno. But you act the youngest?"
Ricky: "You mean 'cause I'm spry and energetic, right?"
Me: "Yeah, sure."
*A character on 'The Walking Dead' cuts himself on a car*
Me: "Well, if the zombies don't get him, he certainly has tetanus now."
Alicia: "You can push her but don't hold the boobies!"
*During an "argument" with Ricky about bedtime routines*
Me: "You're just mad 'cause I didn't get mad about it."
Ricky: "No...Shut up."
Me: *laughing*
Ricky: "You know that was a wasted opportunity to say, 'You mad bro?'"
Me: "No, I don't need to say it."
Ricky: "Shut up..."
Me: "What? You mad bro?"
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Funny Things My Kids Say *April 2012 Edition*
Emma: "I wanna listen to the pink poptart with the kitty."
Olivia: "With the rainbow!"
Ricky: "I told Emma to give me her bag and get ready for bed and she ran from me."
Me: "Emma, you need to listen to Daddy."
*Emma doesn't come back*
Me: "Do I need to tell Sifu that you're not listening to Mommy and Daddy?"
*Emma runs back and hands me her bag nicely then calmly walks back to her bedroom*
*After finding one of the 'golden eggs' at the Egg Hunt*
Emma: "I am an egg hunting genius!"
Me: "Look, Emma. It's the Tin Man."
Emma: "He's a can."
Emma: "Dad, let's have a talk."
Ricky: "Okay..."
Emma: "I need these eggs in this basket."
Emma: "When I was a boy, I'll dress up like that."
Ricky: "You're not ever going to be a boy. Unless years down the road that's something you decide to do. In which case that's all your decision..."
Me: "Ricky!"
Olivia requested to wear two different socks today. One lime green Buzz Lightyear and one white Princess Tiana. With pink sneakers. And a light blue shirt. Yep, she's my kid.
Emma has gotten into some make-up. Yes, it looks exactly as you're picturing it.
*watching Futurama*
Olivia: "When I am big I'm gonna wear that."
Me: "The blue dress?"
Olivia: "Yeah."
Me: "You wanna be a waitress?"
Olivia: "Yeah!"
Olivia: "I wanna make cupcakes."
Me: "Okay, after school we can make some cupcakes"
*from the kitchen*
Emma: "...and go to Disney World!"
*after getting herself a drink*
Me: "Emma! Get in here, put the lid on the juice, put the juice in the fridge, put the milk in the fridge and shut the door."
Emma: "Okay, as you wish..."
Me: "Thank you."
Emma: *under her breath* "...master."
*from the bedroom*
Olivia: "Emma, come help me!"
*Emma goes in there*
Emma: "Oh...my...gosh. What have you done??"
Olivia: "Don't punch my sister in the butt. I'll throw dirt on you and make you dirty!"
Me: "Olivia, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No, I'm a Big Red Chicken!"
Me: "Big Red Chicken, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No."
Apparently Emma wants to learn how to play Bridge.
Me: "So, what do you girlies want to get Brian for his birthday?"
Emma: "Jasmine."
*After coming in and seeing all The Nerdery stuff moved over to the Superhero room so we can take the carpet up*
Emma: "Oh no! Daddy's gonna be mad! We NEVER touch Daddy's toys. Now, move Daddy's toys back to his room."
Me:"We will, after we get the floor fixed like that other room."
Emma: "Oh, okay. We still need to move Daddy's toys back."
Emma: "I'm reading the Justice League magazine."
Me: "You mean, comic book."
Emma: "No, it's a magazine."
Olivia just wrote her name with her left hand. And it is just as legible as with her right.
*Listening to the girlies in the bathtub*
Olivia: "Ahhh!! An alligator!!"
Emma: "That's not an alligator, that's just my butt."
Ricky is reading the girlies books in spanish tonight. They are learning their spanish colors.
Abby-Cat slept in Emma's bed last night with her. We didn't realize he got locked in there. Emma was so happy.
Emma: "Daddy, I need an awesome fort. Can I have an awesome fort?"
Me: "Girlies, do you want pizza or hamburgers for lunch?"
Emma & Olivia: "Corndogs."
Ricky: "You girlies want ice cream or oranges?"
Emma and Olivia: "Oranges!"
*driving home from karate*
Emma: "I want to go to the doughnut store."
Me: "Not right now."
Emma: "But it's open!"
Olivia: "With the rainbow!"
Ricky: "I told Emma to give me her bag and get ready for bed and she ran from me."
Me: "Emma, you need to listen to Daddy."
*Emma doesn't come back*
Me: "Do I need to tell Sifu that you're not listening to Mommy and Daddy?"
*Emma runs back and hands me her bag nicely then calmly walks back to her bedroom*
*After finding one of the 'golden eggs' at the Egg Hunt*
Emma: "I am an egg hunting genius!"
Me: "Look, Emma. It's the Tin Man."
Emma: "He's a can."
Emma: "Dad, let's have a talk."
Ricky: "Okay..."
Emma: "I need these eggs in this basket."
Emma: "When I was a boy, I'll dress up like that."
Ricky: "You're not ever going to be a boy. Unless years down the road that's something you decide to do. In which case that's all your decision..."
Me: "Ricky!"
Olivia requested to wear two different socks today. One lime green Buzz Lightyear and one white Princess Tiana. With pink sneakers. And a light blue shirt. Yep, she's my kid.
Emma has gotten into some make-up. Yes, it looks exactly as you're picturing it.
*watching Futurama*
Olivia: "When I am big I'm gonna wear that."
Me: "The blue dress?"
Olivia: "Yeah."
Me: "You wanna be a waitress?"
Olivia: "Yeah!"
Olivia: "I wanna make cupcakes."
Me: "Okay, after school we can make some cupcakes"
*from the kitchen*
Emma: "...and go to Disney World!"
*after getting herself a drink*
Me: "Emma! Get in here, put the lid on the juice, put the juice in the fridge, put the milk in the fridge and shut the door."
Emma: "Okay, as you wish..."
Me: "Thank you."
Emma: *under her breath* "...master."
*from the bedroom*
Olivia: "Emma, come help me!"
*Emma goes in there*
Emma: "Oh...my...gosh. What have you done??"
Olivia: "Don't punch my sister in the butt. I'll throw dirt on you and make you dirty!"
Me: "Olivia, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No, I'm a Big Red Chicken!"
Me: "Big Red Chicken, do you need to go potty?"
Olivia: "No."
Apparently Emma wants to learn how to play Bridge.
Me: "So, what do you girlies want to get Brian for his birthday?"
Emma: "Jasmine."
*After coming in and seeing all The Nerdery stuff moved over to the Superhero room so we can take the carpet up*
Emma: "Oh no! Daddy's gonna be mad! We NEVER touch Daddy's toys. Now, move Daddy's toys back to his room."
Me:"We will, after we get the floor fixed like that other room."
Emma: "Oh, okay. We still need to move Daddy's toys back."
Emma: "I'm reading the Justice League magazine."
Me: "You mean, comic book."
Emma: "No, it's a magazine."
Olivia just wrote her name with her left hand. And it is just as legible as with her right.
*Listening to the girlies in the bathtub*
Olivia: "Ahhh!! An alligator!!"
Emma: "That's not an alligator, that's just my butt."
Ricky is reading the girlies books in spanish tonight. They are learning their spanish colors.
Abby-Cat slept in Emma's bed last night with her. We didn't realize he got locked in there. Emma was so happy.
Emma: "Daddy, I need an awesome fort. Can I have an awesome fort?"
Me: "Girlies, do you want pizza or hamburgers for lunch?"
Emma & Olivia: "Corndogs."
Ricky: "You girlies want ice cream or oranges?"
Emma and Olivia: "Oranges!"
*driving home from karate*
Emma: "I want to go to the doughnut store."
Me: "Not right now."
Emma: "But it's open!"
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Other Funny Things *March 2012 Edition*
Tip of the Day: If you want to get sent home early, throw up in front of your boss. Ricky will be home shortly.
Things I Didn't Expect To Clean Today: Paint paw prints all over the floor.
Deidre: "I would divorce you if you did that to me."
Chris: "What? Stab you?"
29: The number of Easter baskets we own.
South Park made Ricky laugh so hard Mountain Dew came out his nose.
I just dated a photo based on a screenshot of a Steelers game that I have never seen. I don't know what that says about me.
Things I Didn't Expect To Clean Today: Paint paw prints all over the floor.
Deidre: "I would divorce you if you did that to me."
Chris: "What? Stab you?"
29: The number of Easter baskets we own.
South Park made Ricky laugh so hard Mountain Dew came out his nose.
I just dated a photo based on a screenshot of a Steelers game that I have never seen. I don't know what that says about me.
Funny Things My Kids Say *March 2012 Edition*
Emma: "I'll play the piano and you dance. Okay, Mom? How about that?"
Emma: "Daddy kinda looks like Skeletor."
*Talking to Grandaddy*
Olivia: "Let me see your big belly!"
*after getting mad at her sister for using her sleeping bag*
Me: "You could share and be nice."
Emma: "I don't like to be nice!"
Emma: "I wanna play Mario."
Me: "Okay, Daddy will set it up."
Emma: "I wanna play the game in Daddy's purse."
Me: "Daddy doesn't have a purse."
Emma: "Daddy's work purse!"
Emma: "I'm going to be Doctor Emma and take care of Daddy. I'll give him medicine so he can jump really high. I'm gonna give him head medicine to make his head feel better."
Emma: "A yeti is going to kill Daddy, and break your heart, and kill your head."
Emma is trying to pull her teeth using a pair of toy pliers. I'm thinking we should back off on talking about the Tooth Fairy so much.
Olivia: "My boogers went back to normal!"
Emma keeps getting mad at me 'cause I won't pick her up so she can get into the television.
Emma: "I'll stand on my chair and jump into the movie and save the heroes."
Me: "No."
Emma: "Mom, wait just a minute. I need to save the heroes."
Olivia: "I'm too young to get married."
Emma: "Ketchup smells like potatoes."
Me: "No, tomatoes."
Emma: "Potatoes."
Me: "Tomatoes."
Emma: "Like apples too."
Me: "Emma, give Daddy the sword, you're all done sword-fighting."
Emma: "But I want to play!"
Me: "Yeah, well, Daddy hit Mommy and it hurt, so we're done."
*Em and Liv are talking about evil twins*
Me: "So, which one of you is the nice one, and which is the evil one?"
Olivia: "I'm the nice one."
Ricky: *mumbles something in the other room*
Me: "What?"
Olivia: "Daddy says his fingers are too fat!"
Olivia: "Who is that?" *picking up tater tot super hero toy from Sonic*
Ricky: "That's Bizarro."
Olivia: "Bizarro is very sad."
Emma came out of her room saying she was scared of scary pumpkins in her room. So Ricky is in there eating the scary pumpkins.
Emma is being absolutely terrible today. She's been in the corner for a good portion of today, she has lost her roller skates, sleeping bag, piggy bank and Barbie dress-up privileges and all her nail polish has been "thrown in the garbage". She's been screaming, coming out of the corner, knocking over the time-out chair and hitting Ricky and I. After running out of Emma-specific toys to take away, I just let her scream it out. When she was finished, we went to her room, put on pajamas and sat down to discuss her behavior. She has since apologized and seems to be acting better.
Olivia: "Who's that?"
Ricky: "The Riddler and Clayface."
Olivia: "Clamface?"
Ricky: "No."
Emma came out of her bedroom saying that Big-Headed Mickey was hurt. Then she told me to "fix him with sticky-tape and a band-aid." So he got some duct tape and a green band-aid.
Emma: "Daddy kinda looks like Skeletor."
*Talking to Grandaddy*
Olivia: "Let me see your big belly!"
*after getting mad at her sister for using her sleeping bag*
Me: "You could share and be nice."
Emma: "I don't like to be nice!"
Emma: "I wanna play Mario."
Me: "Okay, Daddy will set it up."
Emma: "I wanna play the game in Daddy's purse."
Me: "Daddy doesn't have a purse."
Emma: "Daddy's work purse!"
Emma: "I'm going to be Doctor Emma and take care of Daddy. I'll give him medicine so he can jump really high. I'm gonna give him head medicine to make his head feel better."
Emma: "A yeti is going to kill Daddy, and break your heart, and kill your head."
Emma is trying to pull her teeth using a pair of toy pliers. I'm thinking we should back off on talking about the Tooth Fairy so much.
Olivia: "My boogers went back to normal!"
Emma keeps getting mad at me 'cause I won't pick her up so she can get into the television.
Emma: "I'll stand on my chair and jump into the movie and save the heroes."
Me: "No."
Emma: "Mom, wait just a minute. I need to save the heroes."
Olivia: "I'm too young to get married."
Emma: "Ketchup smells like potatoes."
Me: "No, tomatoes."
Emma: "Potatoes."
Me: "Tomatoes."
Emma: "Like apples too."
Me: "Emma, give Daddy the sword, you're all done sword-fighting."
Emma: "But I want to play!"
Me: "Yeah, well, Daddy hit Mommy and it hurt, so we're done."
*Em and Liv are talking about evil twins*
Me: "So, which one of you is the nice one, and which is the evil one?"
Olivia: "I'm the nice one."
Ricky: *mumbles something in the other room*
Me: "What?"
Olivia: "Daddy says his fingers are too fat!"
Olivia: "Who is that?" *picking up tater tot super hero toy from Sonic*
Ricky: "That's Bizarro."
Olivia: "Bizarro is very sad."
Emma came out of her room saying she was scared of scary pumpkins in her room. So Ricky is in there eating the scary pumpkins.
Emma is being absolutely terrible today. She's been in the corner for a good portion of today, she has lost her roller skates, sleeping bag, piggy bank and Barbie dress-up privileges and all her nail polish has been "thrown in the garbage". She's been screaming, coming out of the corner, knocking over the time-out chair and hitting Ricky and I. After running out of Emma-specific toys to take away, I just let her scream it out. When she was finished, we went to her room, put on pajamas and sat down to discuss her behavior. She has since apologized and seems to be acting better.
Olivia: "Who's that?"
Ricky: "The Riddler and Clayface."
Olivia: "Clamface?"
Ricky: "No."
Emma came out of her bedroom saying that Big-Headed Mickey was hurt. Then she told me to "fix him with sticky-tape and a band-aid." So he got some duct tape and a green band-aid.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Other Funny Things *February 2012 Edition*
Ricky: "Here's Superman's strategy. Punch it. If that does work, ask Batman."
Dear Dryer Vent Hose-
I hate you. You are supposed to fit. I double checked the sizes when I bought you and you are supposed to fit. But you don't fit. So I wasted my time tonight when I could have been hanging out with Ricky and editing photos. Tomorrow you will fit or I will make you fit.
-Management
Dear Dryer Vent Hose-
I hate you. You are supposed to fit. I double checked the sizes when I bought you and you are supposed to fit. But you don't fit. So I wasted my time tonight when I could have been hanging out with Ricky and editing photos. Tomorrow you will fit or I will make you fit.
-Management
Funny Things My Kids Say *February 2012 Edition*
Not sure which one did it or when they did it but one of the twins put the carton of eggs in the door of the refrigerator. And our fridge door is broken so there are no shelf guardrails. Ricky opened the door and down the eggs go. A brand new carton of 18 eggs destroyed in seconds.
Emma: "Who is singing? The Squirrels?"
Me: "Alvin and the Chipmunks."
*Kids keep coming in and stalling bedtime*
Emma: "Excuse me, Dad. Mommy's hair is up."
Before school this morning, Emma picked up a notepad that I was writing ideas for this year's Christmas presents. She started reading parts of it. ♥
Emma: "How 'bout we watch 'Snow White' first and then we watch 'Cinderella'? How 'bout that?"
Olivia: "No."
*Watching 'Cinderella'*
Me: "What's she doing?"
Emma: "Cleaning the floor. I can clean the floor?"
Me: "Sure, go get a rag"
*Emma gets a rag, wets it, and starts cleaning up the finger painting drips on the kitchen floor*
Me: "Okay, what do we need to do now?"
Emma: "Get our clothes on/"
Me: "You have your clothes on. What do we do now?"
Emma: "Get shoes on and eat butter."
Emma: "I love Habby Cat and Old Cat."
Trying a new approach to getting the kids to clean their room. I had them each choose a number: Em 20 & Liv 96. They had to tell me which one was bigger and then the bigger number got to play Reader Rabbit while the smaller number had to clean up one part of their bedroom. Liv is playing RR while Em picks up the books from the floor. The faster she does it, the faster she gets to take over the computer from Liv. Then Liv has to clean up something from the floor and they switch. Let's see how this works out...
PARENTING WIN! Their room is clean. It only took 2 hours. Not bad since last time it took them 4 days.
Ricky and the kids are playing a live-action Angry Birds. They have a stuffed animal 'red chicken' that they are throwing at my mustache pig that Ricky is holding.
Grandmother: "You girls can get Mommy to make you this bacon and french toast. Grandmother and Grandpa can't have it 'cause we're on a diet."
Emma: "We can have it 'cause we're not old."
*shows me her chocolate coin*
Olivia: "I got a gold piece. Fit for a king!"
Olivia: "I'm done. I put all the dolls up."
Me: "No, you didn't. What's that?" *points to stuffed Batman*
Olivia: "That's not a doll!"
Me: "What is it then?"
Olivia: "That's BATMAN!"
Olivia: "See you later Mommy. I'm going to Gotham City to see Batman."
Olivia: "Mommy, I need to talk to the police."
Me: "Why?"
Olivia: "'Cause Emma needs to tell it to the judge!"
The girlies have stripped down to their underwear and are jumping onto the couch saying, "Professionals Only!" before jumping off screaming, "Bonzai!!"
Ricky : "I've got your faces!"
Olivia: "You can't! We're twins!"
Emma: "Who is singing? The Squirrels?"
Me: "Alvin and the Chipmunks."
*Kids keep coming in and stalling bedtime*
Emma: "Excuse me, Dad. Mommy's hair is up."
Before school this morning, Emma picked up a notepad that I was writing ideas for this year's Christmas presents. She started reading parts of it. ♥
Emma: "How 'bout we watch 'Snow White' first and then we watch 'Cinderella'? How 'bout that?"
Olivia: "No."
*Watching 'Cinderella'*
Me: "What's she doing?"
Emma: "Cleaning the floor. I can clean the floor?"
Me: "Sure, go get a rag"
*Emma gets a rag, wets it, and starts cleaning up the finger painting drips on the kitchen floor*
Me: "Okay, what do we need to do now?"
Emma: "Get our clothes on/"
Me: "You have your clothes on. What do we do now?"
Emma: "Get shoes on and eat butter."
Emma: "I love Habby Cat and Old Cat."
Trying a new approach to getting the kids to clean their room. I had them each choose a number: Em 20 & Liv 96. They had to tell me which one was bigger and then the bigger number got to play Reader Rabbit while the smaller number had to clean up one part of their bedroom. Liv is playing RR while Em picks up the books from the floor. The faster she does it, the faster she gets to take over the computer from Liv. Then Liv has to clean up something from the floor and they switch. Let's see how this works out...
PARENTING WIN! Their room is clean. It only took 2 hours. Not bad since last time it took them 4 days.
Ricky and the kids are playing a live-action Angry Birds. They have a stuffed animal 'red chicken' that they are throwing at my mustache pig that Ricky is holding.
Grandmother: "You girls can get Mommy to make you this bacon and french toast. Grandmother and Grandpa can't have it 'cause we're on a diet."
Emma: "We can have it 'cause we're not old."
*shows me her chocolate coin*
Olivia: "I got a gold piece. Fit for a king!"
Olivia: "I'm done. I put all the dolls up."
Me: "No, you didn't. What's that?" *points to stuffed Batman*
Olivia: "That's not a doll!"
Me: "What is it then?"
Olivia: "That's BATMAN!"
Olivia: "See you later Mommy. I'm going to Gotham City to see Batman."
Olivia: "Mommy, I need to talk to the police."
Me: "Why?"
Olivia: "'Cause Emma needs to tell it to the judge!"
The girlies have stripped down to their underwear and are jumping onto the couch saying, "Professionals Only!" before jumping off screaming, "Bonzai!!"
Ricky : "I've got your faces!"
Olivia: "You can't! We're twins!"
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
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