Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Other Funny Things *July 2012 Edition*

  • What's worse than slipping in cat puke on the kitchen floor? Breaking your new flip-flops the first time you wear them while slipping. Just ask Ricky. :)
  • Playing "Beat the Clock" while sewing on these karate patches. I got three of the four of them on without stabbing myself at all, then I stabbed my self six times in a row.
  • Found another black widow spider in the kiddos playhouse. Naturally, I must take photos before I murder it.
  • The arachnid gets to live for a bit longer since I'm not satisfied with the photos I got. Off for more pictures! Then murder!
  • *watching Jerry Springer*Me: "I'll bet she smells like vanilla."
    Mitch: "No, she smells like her father's disappointment."
  • Things found while cleaning out the trunk of my car: Unopened toothbrush, three bars of Ivory soap, fly swatter, two bath mats, Care Bear, three plastic shovels, two hangers, vase, wire butterfly, dresses from the girlies 1st Christmas, jewelry cleaner, and an acorn-filled Easter egg.
  • *The girlies are getting good at working together against Ricky.*Ricky: "She keeps trying to hit my toes."Me: "Well, that's a good strategy."Ricky: "She keeps going low, and the other one keeps hitting high. I can't block them both!"
  • *Overhearing a lady at the surgery center talking to Ricky*Lady: "How far apart are they?"Ricky: "One minute."Lady: "Oh, they are twins? My kids are 364 days apart. I think twins would have been easier."Me thinking to myself: *Oh really? For the first year you had ONE BABY!! By the time the second came along the first was walking!* I hate people that say things like that. I seriously just wanna slap her and shake some sense into her.
  • The pediatric dentist office always serves as a reminder of why I hate other people's children.
  • Disgusting Parenting Moment #845: Tonight while at the beach Wal-Mart, Olivia said she had to go potty. So I take her. While in there she didn't scoot far enough back on the toilet and peed on her underwear/the floor. So, I take her shoes off and her shorts and throw her underwear away. I pick her up off the toilet so she doesn't step in the puddle on the floor, she somehow loses her footing and slips in the puddle...landing with her whole arm in the toilet that we haven't flushed yet. Then, the toilet automatically flushes, scares her, and she puts her hands over her ears and gets toilet water all over her face and hair. I had to wash her and her hair as best I could in the bathroom and then go buy new underwear so we could make it to dinner. I would love it if that never happened again.
  • 1) All the light bulbs in the entrance way, hallway, and girlies bathroom burned out at about the same time2) As Ricky was changing out one in the bathroom, it busted still in the ceiling. Had to get pliers to get it out.3) While Ricky is changing out the light bulbs, Emma is throwing up in the dark bathroom 'cause she can't stop coughing.Tonight's been awesome.

Funny Things My Kids Say *July 2012 Edition*

Ricky: "Big Kitty is my old man cat."
Emma: "He's not an old man, he's a good cat."

Methinks Emma has played too much "Castle Crashers" when she thinks that we should cut off Olivia's head because she does something Em doesn't like.

*Ricky getting on to the kiddos for their behavior at karate*
Ricky: "Do you understand?"
Olivia: "Yes, sir."
Emma: "Aye, Aye, Captain!"

Ricky just got Olivia to eat Brussels sprouts and like it.

*the movie we are watching starts skipping*
Olivia: "The movie is gurgling!"

Emma: "Mommy, I don't want to wear diapers anymore."
Me: "You don't wear diapers."
Emma: *pauses* "Thanks, Mom."

Emma: "Mommy, I love to speak Spanish."
Me: "You don't know Spanish."
Emma: "Yes, I do. Vamonos, see?!"
Me: "What does that mean?"
Emma: "To come on and go."

*I think the kids are confused by their new classroom rules.*
Olivia: "#1 No pushing. #2 Be a friend. #3...#3...#4...#3 Don't be a friend. #4 Be nice. #5 Don't get a dog."

Olivia: "Mommy, you're respectful, responsible, and a good listener. Daddy, you're not respectful, responsible, or a good listener. You should be in time out."

Every time Olivia plays "teacher", we sense a theme about what she says to her "students". Usually it's something about not paying attention or being distracted. I think Liv may be telling on herself. 

Olivia: *sneeze* "I have a sneeze."
Me: "You have the sneezy sneezes?"
Olivia: "No, just one."

Emma: "These scissors are pointy. You have to be careful. You could cut your finger and you could die!"

Emma: *goes to grab a cookie*
Me: "Emma, no more cookies. It's dinner time."
Emma: "But Daddy just ate one!"
Ricky: *looks at me with a guilty look on his face*
Me: "Tell Daddy, 'No more cookies, it's dinner time."

Emma: "Mommy, if you make us go to school, you will go to jail."
Me: "Actually, if I DON'T make you go to school, Mommy goes to jail. So, get your shoes on."

Emma: Daddy! Come look! I pooped! It's green! And brown!
Ricky: "Okay, I'm coming." 
Emma: "It's green!"
Ricky: "Okay, you done?"
Emma: "No, I've gotta poop five more. It's gonna be carrots."

Emma: "When I poop a lot of green, you're going to look at it and say, 'Wow! That's a lot of green!'"

Emma: "I pooped another green! Daddy, I pooped another green!"
Ricky: "That's great, Emma."
Emma: "Daddy, come look! Olivia, I pooped green! Daddy, Olivia, come look!"


Caught one of my twins climbing a tree at a birthday party on July 29th.
Click It Up A Notch