Thursday, December 1, 2011

Other Funny Things *November Edition*

Things that have never happened to me at Wal-Mart before:
1. Cashier looks at my cart and says, "Oh wow!"
2. Someone moo's at me from a vehicle as I'm walking to my car.

Ricky changed our home answering machine message to Skeletor voice. Today, he came home and there was a message. It was a telemarketer. All she said was, "Wow....*tries to compose herself for a few moments* This is.....*and went on with her speech* It was pretty hilarious.

Ricky decided to try some dog treats at his parents house. And now he's in bed with a stomachache.

*talking with Mom and Cathy*
Me: "I saw some of my old toys labeled vintage the other day."
Mom: "Well, if you're vintage, what are Jim and I?"
Me: "You're thrift and Jim is antique."

*Ricky opens his netbook*
Ricky: "There is a nerd (candy) stuck in my computer."
Me: "There's a nerd holding the computer too."

Funny Things My Kids Have Said *November Edition*

*pointing to peanut butter jar*
Emma: "It's Tinkerbell!"
Me: "No, that is Peter Pan; Tinkerbell's friend."
Emma: "Peter Pan is Tinkerbell's friend?"
Me: "Yep."
Emma: "Peter Parker is Spiderman."

Olivia: "I want the Batman video game."
Me: "So does Daddy."
Emma: "Daddy's so silly."

*Goes into the bathroom to tell Ricky goodbye as he's getting dressed*
Olivia: "Daddy! Your feet are gross!"
Ricky: "What?"
Me: "Why do you say Daddy's feet are gross?"
Emma: "'Cause they got hair on them! Gross!"

Ricky: "Daddy likes Two Face."
Emma: "I like one face...Batman!"

*Watching Ricky play "Scott Pilgrim*
Emma: "We don't hit girls."
Ricky:"That's right."
Emma: "We hit boys."

*Watching two solo dancers on the Radio City Rockettes Christmas Spectacular*
Emma: "Look Mom! It's Emma and Olivia!"

*from the bathroom*
Emma: "Mommy! They're dangerous!"
Me: "What's dangerous?"
Emma: "The panties."
Me: "Oh. Well, are you okay?"
Emma: I'm okay. They're dangerous!"

Me: "Girlies, you want some hot chocolate?"
Emma: "No, I want hot vanilla!"

*after stuffing socks into her shirt*
Olivia: "I'm Santa! Ho Ho Ho!"

*after noticing that the Elf on the Shelf had moved while she was picking out a movie*
Olivia: "*gasp* He moved! It's magic!"

Emma: "We don't ever poop on turkeys."

Emma: "Olivia, let's punch Daddy!
Olivia: "Okay!"
Emma: "Here's a glove."

*chasing after her sister*
Olivia: "Emma!...Emma!...EMMA [insert last name]!"

Watching the "He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special" and Olivia keeps yelling that Skeletor needs to be nice or she will spank him.

Em is coloring and Liv is watercolor painting. I leave the room to vacuum the movie room and when I come back Liv is stripped down to her underwear scrubbing paint off her paper with a dishtowel. No part of that makes sense to me.

Emma: "Daddy, I want to paint your toenails."
Ricky: "Sure, after dinner."

*Emma sits down to paint Ricky's toenails*
Emma: "Can I have my nailpolish?"
*I hand her purple*
Emma: "Can I have pink?"
Ricky: *hangs head*

When I came home from Black Friday shopping, Emma told me that she had put candy in my "socky sock" (stocking).

Olivia: "Mommy, where's the fer-mote?"

Me: "Time to get up for school, girlies!"
Emma: *sits up on one elbow* "Look at the window."
Me: "What's wrong with it?"
Emma: "It's dark outside. *rolls over and covers head with blanket*

*Olivia's mad 'cause I took a book away that they were fighting over*
Olivia: *grumbling about how mean I am*
Emma: "Don't say that, Olivia. Mommy's my best friend!"

Emma: "Daddy, you work at Channel 7?"
Ricky: "Yeah."
Emma: "Well, I'm gonna go work at Channel 8!"

*talking about the fire in the fireplace*
Emma: "We don't touch the fire. It will burn my fingers. It will dead me. I don't want to be dead."

Emma: "Daddy's my favorite friend. Daddy's my favorite little friend."