Sunday, April 1, 2012

Other Funny Things *March 2012 Edition*

Tip of the Day: If you want to get sent home early, throw up in front of your boss. Ricky will be home shortly.

Things I Didn't Expect To Clean Today: Paint paw prints all over the floor.

Deidre: "I would divorce you if you did that to me."
Chris: "What? Stab you?"

29: The number of Easter baskets we own.

South Park made Ricky laugh so hard Mountain Dew came out his nose.

I just dated a photo based on a screenshot of a Steelers game that I have never seen. I don't know what that says about me.

Funny Things My Kids Say *March 2012 Edition*

Emma: "I'll play the piano and you dance. Okay, Mom? How about that?"

Emma: "Daddy kinda looks like Skeletor."

*Talking to Grandaddy*
Olivia: "Let me see your big belly!"

*after getting mad at her sister for using her sleeping bag*
Me: "You could share and be nice."
Emma: "I don't like to be nice!"

Emma: "I wanna play Mario."
Me: "Okay, Daddy will set it up."
Emma: "I wanna play the game in Daddy's purse."
Me: "Daddy doesn't have a purse."
Emma: "Daddy's work purse!"

Emma: "I'm going to be Doctor Emma and take care of Daddy. I'll give him medicine so he can jump really high. I'm gonna give him head medicine to make his head feel better."

Emma: "A yeti is going to kill Daddy, and break your heart, and kill your head."

Emma is trying to pull her teeth using a pair of toy pliers. I'm thinking we should back off on talking about the Tooth Fairy so much.

Olivia: "My boogers went back to normal!"

Emma keeps getting mad at me 'cause I won't pick her up so she can get into the television.

Emma: "I'll stand on my chair and jump into the movie and save the heroes."
Me: "No."
Emma: "Mom, wait just a minute. I need to save the heroes."

Olivia: "I'm too young to get married."

Emma: "Ketchup smells like potatoes."
Me: "No, tomatoes."
Emma: "Potatoes."
Me: "Tomatoes."
Emma: "Like apples too."

Me: "Emma, give Daddy the sword, you're all done sword-fighting."
Emma: "But I want to play!"
Me: "Yeah, well, Daddy hit Mommy and it hurt, so we're done."

*Em and Liv are talking about evil twins*
Me: "So, which one of you is the nice one, and which is the evil one?"
Olivia: "I'm the nice one."

Ricky: *mumbles something in the other room*
Me: "What?"
Olivia: "Daddy says his fingers are too fat!"

Olivia: "Who is that?" *picking up tater tot super hero toy from Sonic*
Ricky: "That's Bizarro."
Olivia: "Bizarro is very sad."

Emma came out of her room saying she was scared of scary pumpkins in her room. So Ricky is in there eating the scary pumpkins.

Emma is being absolutely terrible today. She's been in the corner for a good portion of today, she has lost her roller skates, sleeping bag, piggy bank and Barbie dress-up privileges and all her nail polish has been "thrown in the garbage". She's been screaming, coming out of the corner, knocking over the time-out chair and hitting Ricky and I. After running out of Emma-specific toys to take away, I just let her scream it out. When she was finished, we went to her room, put on pajamas and sat down to discuss her behavior. She has since apologized and seems to be acting better.

Olivia: "Who's that?"
Ricky: "The Riddler and Clayface."
Olivia: "Clamface?"
Ricky: "No."

Emma came out of her bedroom saying that Big-Headed Mickey was hurt. Then she told me to "fix him with sticky-tape and a band-aid." So he got some duct tape and a green band-aid.