This weekend, the family and I were supposed to travel to Panama City for the Red Stocking Review. My mom is in it every year they do it. Ricky woke up this morning with the flu. So, all day I've been taking care of both twins and Ricky. I'm so exhausted. Plus I only got three hours of sleep last night. We found out that our rent is going up from $715 a month to $750 a month...and Ricky and I can't afford it. We can barely make it for $715 as it is! And I wish I was exaggerating. So, now we've got to come up with some way to make up the difference or find a new place to work. And our lease is up on the first of May. Yeah, that's right, we have less than three months to find somewhere else to live, come up with deposits, or figure out a way to stay here.
I've also decided to finish up at FSU. I've got ten hours left which is equal to three classes and a one hour course. All that I have to take is a psychology class for my minor and the other ones can be whatever I want. I'm thinking about just doing the three classes as online classes so I don't have to leave the house and I can do my work at my own pace. I did that the last semester I was at FSU and I managed to get an A- in the web-based class. So I know I can handle the workload.
Another thing that has been on my mind is my weight. When the twins were born, I lost thirty pounds of the 62 pounds I gained. Somehow between the time I lost it and now, I've gained ten of it back! I got rid of all my maternity pants (gave them away to a friend who is expecting this month!) and went shopping to get new pants. Now my new pants no longer fit. I hate going out of the house now. Every time I have to get dressed I get so depressed. And it stays on my mind all day. I keep telling myself that I'm going to start dieting...and I do...then I get hungry. And I fail. it's so easy to tell yourself you're not going to eat when you're full! Ugh, I feel like such a failure.
On top of all that, I've got the normal household things to keep up with. Taking care of twins is no easy feat and I know it's not going to get any easier. Once they get mobile and start crawling/walking it's just going to be that much harder. I try to keep up with all the chores around the house, but sometimes I just need a few hours to myself. So, sometimes things don't get done. I have a pile of laundry that needs to be folded and put away, but I just don't have the drive to do so at the moment. The litterboxes need to be changed and the floors need to be vacuumed.
I feel terrible for the way I'm feeling now. (Does that make any sense?) I know Ricky is sick and can't help it and all, but I can't help but feel angry that my weekend was stolen away from me. We were supposed to be in Panama City, seeing a show, watching movies with friends, visiting the parents and grandparents and getting some alone time together. I guess I'm not upset with him, I'm just upset at the situation.
Typing all this has given me a headache...or maybe the headache could be from the rainy weather outside. Whatever the case, I'm going to close.
Britney Marie
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