Friday, June 1, 2012

Funny Things My Kids Said *May 2012 Edition*

Ricky and the girlies are talking like Arnold Schwarzenegger to each other.

Me: "What do sharks eat?"
Emma: "Kids."

My children don't hear me when I call their names half the time, but they never miss hearing the timer go off when they are baking cookies. Selective hearing at its finest.

Brand new $4 bottle of kids shampoo dumped in the bath to make bubbles.

*Talking to Aunt Linda on the phone*
Emma: "I love Grandma. Daddy likes you."

Olivia: "Mommy, move Emma to red light."
Me: "Why does she need a red light?"
Olivia: "She touched me."

One girlie is in her room playing with jewelry. The other is in the kitchen playing with canned goods.

Ricky: "Okay girlies, we're going to go to bed in about 5 or 10 minutes."
Emma: "How 'bout we go to bed in 13 minutes."
Ricky: "Okay, 13 minutes it is."

*Watching the Justice League movie*
Emma & Olivia: "Aquaman! That's you, Dad!"

Our whole house looks like a toy bomb exploded in it.

*While watching 'The Avengers'*
Emma: "Where's Hawk...Hawk Guy..."
Me: "Hawkeye?"
Emma: "Yeah. He's a chicken."

Olivia: "Wanna smell my armpit? It smells like grapes!"

Ricky is singing the 'Speed Racer' theme song. Emma is getting mad at him.

Told the kiddos we'd be watching "The Princess Bride" tonight. Emma says, "This movie is NOT awesome." A dagger to my heart would have hurt less...

*pulling out a tape measure*
Emma: "Mommy, let's see what size you are...big."

Me: "Why are you scratching my knee?"
Olivia: "I'm getting the snow off."
Me: "There's no snow on my knee."
Olivia: "I'm getting the bugs out."

*Showing me her painted toenails*
Olivia: "My feet are polished."

Emma is in the stage where she likes to bargain with you on time limits. Only she has no concept of time. Sometimes this works in her favor. Other times, not so much.

*to Patrick*
Emma: "You've got bologna in your face."

*changing into their swimsuits*
Olivia: "Whoops! I'm NAKED!"
Emma: "Olivia's a naked kid."

Every time Olivia says, "Wanna see a magic trick?" I instinctively check to make sure she's not holding a pencil.

Olivia: "Mom, I have to watch Link!"

Olivia: "But I wanted to share your yogurt!"
Ricky: "Well, that's what happens when you leave, I eat it."

*as heard from the bathroom*
Emma: "I'm sorry I put Olivia's toothbrush in the toilet."

Olivia is so happy right now. She just unbuttoned her shirt all by herself for the first time.

Olivia: "My name is Tinkerbell. PIXIE DUST!!!"

Emma: "Are you going to read stories to us tonight?"
Me: "Yep."
Olivia: "No, you're too fat."

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